For some reason, brain cancer has granted me a kind of coda, a chance to look back at life with a reliving of shame and horror at those moments I can't change.
If I could, I would send myself some words from the future.
Here's one such moment:
I was walking home from a school event on a very snowy evening, being followed not far behind by two long time school mates, one of whom used to beat me up viciously on my way home from Kindergarten and First Grade. They both enjoyed taunting me openly at school on a daily basis in what was now sixth grade. I had bloomed into a very curvy young woman, but I was still a victim ripe for taunting.
The more vicious one said to the other, who happened to be quite a small boy, "Go stick your dick in that ass."
"I can't," he said, "It'd get lost."
I cringed, hung my head in shame and continued to trudge misrably homeward in silence at the time.
But if I could send myself words from the future....in other words, what I should have said, is:
"Your dick would get lost in a Hostess cupcake! Both your dicks would get lost in a cupcake.So why don't you go both go fuck a cupcake?"
Even if they beat me up, it would be worth it.
I know that now.
