I DO Know This...

 I don't know if the L in egg yolk is supposed to be silent, because the debate rages on. Is this a regional thing?  Is it an affectation?  In these times of widespread American English bastardization and lingual shredding (not always to our cultural detriment) we're experiencing shattering changes.

The Ls formerly presumed silent in yolk and folk may be regional, may be affectatious, but I DO know a couple of things, internet broadcasters, and these things comes from a thirty year radio veteran who endured depths of corrective abuse from every quarter, including educators, program directors, addicted listeners and veteran broadcasters, all of whom knew something, if not a lot.

So, here ya go:

There is no Out There.  The people listening to you think of you as In Here With Them. That's what you want.  Don't keep your audience at a distance. Think of them intimately, as friends, not distantly as your followers.  That way lies trumpian narcissism and buying your own hype, and ultimately the loss of your following because they will grow to hate you, and should.  Never say things like "Everybody, Out There,".  

The word Actually, as a crutch, has gotten so over-stale it's not funny anymore.  It was, ten years ago, when a red-haired ten year old at a trace track couldn't stop saying it and the video went viral.We all loved that kid.  That was ten years ago.  And professional broadcasters are still leaning on the damn thing instead of just daring to PAUSE and take a BREATH.  When you want to say actually, dare to STOP yourself and instead JUST TAKE A BREATH.  

PLEASE DROP ACTUALLY.

One more:

Mischievous does NOT rhyme with devious.  

It rhymes (more or less) with most of us.

Please check the spelling and try it again.

Yeah, no, Walmart.

My tiny order from Walmart, with Georgie's favorite treats, some fancy new wet food, and a hunk of water buffalo horn as a chew toy (I felt a twinge there for the poor buffalo and hoped it had a merciful end, as I hope for all of us in the animal realm who cling to life so dearly with our pounding hearts) refused to arrive by noon today as the ap claimed it would.  However, a msassive paper sack of gross and YOMMY pastries (including TWINKIES!) arrived, next to a plastic sack of uncut taco toppings, lettuce and roma tomatoes and a giant sack of "Mexican cheese mix" (including the orange road cone* cheese I loathe). I ordered none of these items.

I double-checked the ap to make sure Critter (the brain tumor) hadn't ordered these, either, and checked with Jim.  Nope.  I called my next door neighbors out of the blue (texting might take until next week, you never know how busy people are anymore) to find out if it was supposed to be theirs.  Nope.  

Dreading it, but seeing no way to avoid it, I called the Wallmart store I get my orders from.  The operator made me look up the Order Number.  That did narrow it down.  A bit.  

He said, "Well, that order came from another store and it was delivered by an uber driver,  So you could call over there and find out what happened."

"Yeah.  Um, no, I'm not going to do that." I said.  I said that!

In her latest Netflix standup, Kathleen Madigan refers to 30-somethings as the "Yeah....no," generation, because they so easily dismiss stupid obligations, the kind we older people would fall for and assume responsibility for because we "should".  She expresses admiration foe this attitude, and I am 100% WITH HER.  I believe we create the Big ASSHOLE BOSSES (including but not limited to TRUMP) by agreeing to run our asses off and work to exhaustion, to working weekends and even at times for no pay, by acting like thirsty codependents to our jobs and putting ourselves and our lives second, and this codependency makes the Bosses think waay too much of themselves; they start to think they are emperors of some kind because we are acting like slaves. It's similar to the way that even marginally good-looking men develop toxic narcissism from being thirstily chased as a prize by too many desperate women; they start to believe the hype, get bloated egoes and float above common humanity. In this way, I think the work ethic I was raised with created a host of problems, including wealth inequality, employee abuse, growing poverty, and Trump himself as a social phenom. He represents The Winner at the top of the stack, the One Who Took it All.  That's why he's a literal golden idol. He won it ALL, the champagne and caviar dreams, the nude model wife who stays thin and keeps her damn mouth shut, the gold palace above New York, and now ALL THE POWER IN THE WORLD.  He might be a loser, but he is still the living parade float figure of The Winner, and that's what his people, especially his MEN, love so much about him.  That it could be DONE.  That he did it.  And they can help him do it again, they can be PART of the Big Win.It makes THEM winners, too.  If he does it by selling his own country to Vladimir Putin, he still WON, and that's what matters the MOST. Being the WINNER.  If it's by Machiaveillian means, well, whatever it takes is just what Maciavelli talked about, right?  If he cheats on his taxes, that makes him "smart".  Fuck "character".  "Character" could cost you the win.

I did not win with Walmart service.  And I refused to help them out.  I was not going to be an unpaid employee for walmart.  I just said No.  And after a life of overwork in corporate media, it was a breeze.  When the operator told me to call the other store and do their work FOR THEM, 

I replied, "Yeah.  Um, no, I'm not going to do that." as a lifelong codependent I was just a bit shocked at the easy-breezy way the reply came out of me, and the ease and breeziness of it.

"OK, well," he was just as at ease and in the same breeze, "You could call 1-800-WALMART and talk to them."

I actually did this.  The crisp, bright robot voice joyfully told me I might qualify for an exciting prize.I had already heard this bullshit number from some other bureaucratic phoner I was forced to make this year, so I hung up and considered myself off the hook, the recipient of some free shitty groceries.

I reordered my doggy supplies right before Jim remarked, "So, get a refund."

Woops. I never do things right.

Now just getting the refund would probably be a nightmare, explaining that I needed a refund for the order BEFORE the reorder.....I dreaded the conversation already...

*I call it road cone cheese because you could only get cheese that color by milking a road cone.  Milk from cows is not Halloween orange.  I'm from Maine.  In New England we have pale milk in midwinter and we deal with it, we don't dye it.  All the great cheeses, which include not only Vermont white cheddar, but also so many of the great cheeses from Portuguese cuisine like Monchego, Peccorino,Romano, Mozarella, etc., are WHITE cheeses.  The color on the surface of a great mac n' cheese comes from being slowly baked with a breadcrumb abd butter topping and is honestly earned, although a very light sprinkling of paprika, or even cayenne(particularly in the case of LOBSTER mac n' cheese) is, in some cases, tolerated.

Kong Geekery

 I was inspired to dtart feeding Georgie with Kongs by this You Tube post:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwZI1isnvPQ

It's more work than I anticipated, because of two things:

Georgie isn't that into frozen.

I like making them fresh for him.

It's a pleasure to think about what I can do for him, and how to keep the good ideas progressing.  For instance, I over-treat, because especially with him being so new here there's lots of adjustment, which means lots of trainng and so lots of treats.  The danger there is putting too much weight on his little frame too quickly, which could lead to injury.really

I can offset this with the meal kongs by adding lots of low-calorie but tasty foods, like frozen bluberries and frozen (just as sweet as fresh, when you let them thaw)green peas, fresh strawberries and bananas.  I always use mostly his kibble, since it's supposedly nutritionally balanced and my vet gave it the nod of approval.  I can also add low calorie protien like hard boiled egg whites, and the yolk for occasional luxury when a kong has lots of thing like chopped cellery and berries and cucumber.  

I also like to drop in the occasional teaspoon of full fat yogurt.  A little luxury, because alll us animals need that!

We need variety and surprises and nice flavors and textures and these things thoughtfully put together.

Plus, its a BLAST.

I think of myself now as a Dog Chef, part time.

I sliced up three bananas and coated them in almond flour before tossing in the freezer.  

I do freeze ELEMENTS that go in the kong, but not kibble slurry(yuck).  My observations told me that the recommended frozrn kongs made for discouraging and unsatisfying fare, which mde the kongs unattractive and therefore ineffective.  Room temp worked much better, even with frozen elements included.  I aim for sweet next to sour, smooth next to crunchy, rich next to refreshing, the way I like a bite of salad.  

The last two days, employing this philosophy, have yeilded better results.  Georgie has been more eager for the kongs, has enjoyed them longer, and I think he's been in a better mood, more accomodating and sweeter natured overall.  The way we all are when we're getting nicely fed.

We are getting to know each other better in many ways, which is especially gratifying because Georgie is huge of heart, generous and kind-natured as well as intelligent.  It instills in me a longing simply to do right by him.