Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Letting Go

When you break up with a person or a job, you let go of a lot of dreams.  Things that could have been swim around your head around like little half-visible nightmares.  That's what I'm feeling about radio.

Radio will go through a Renaissance.  It will come back as a live and local media form, rejuvenated, better than ever.  But for now it's moored in stagnant water like a ghost ship.  It's all but dead.  There won't be another salary for me in the next few years.  And even if there were, I wouldn't want it.

I proved everything I needed to prove.  I need to move on with my life.

When people judge me on first appearance, they see age and weight first.  They don't see the dedication, the sacrifices or the heartbreak.  And I have to let it all go.

The dreams of really being myself on the air, of actual success, monetary or otherwise, the dreams of writing my own ticket-I need to wave goodbye to them.

I'm starting over.  I've been ready to do this for a long time, but it is still terrifying.  It's still heart breaking.  There will still be a grieving process.

I'll be working a lot harder than I have in a long time, probably.  I know that all I've learned will serve me on e way or the other.  And I'm already wanting to do VO again.  That is very possible.  I have the equipment and I know what I'm doing.  So it's a possible side-business.  I might actually have the desire and energy to do it now, even with the limited market.  I'm ready to consider that.

But RADIO....radio is leaving my life.  It's a mixture of fear and relief.

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